How to Get Over Your Fear of Asking for a Raise

Did you know that two out of every five women have never asked for a raise? And that 42% of women who did ask, were told no?

Well, according to Paysa, a research company dedicated to helping employees make informed career decisions, it’s true. You can read the full report here.

I’m not telling you this to scare you – in fact I’d argue this stat should empower you.

Think about it: If 42% of women were denied their last raise, that means 58% of them walked away with more coins in their pockets. My goal is to make sure the next (or first) time you ask for your raise, you’re in that 58%.

Why Women Don’t Ask for Raises

Whenever I’m getting ready to coach someone through a salary negotiation, one of the first questions I ask is if they’ve ever asked for a raise before. Not surprisingly, the answer is almost always no and what I find is that although a small part of why they don’t has to do with lack of confidence, the real reason they’ve never asked is because they’re afraid.

This isn’t shocking –  I mean, the reason people don’t do most things boils down to being afraid. What’s interesting though, is that even though fear may be the common theme for women who’ve never asked for a raise, the underlying reason for the fear varies.

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Some of the reasons include:

1. Your boss/company has indicated requests for raises will be turned down
2. You don’t feel confident in your job performance
3. You don’t feel you’ve been in the position long enough
4. You believe your boss/company will say no
5. You’re afraid you’ll be fired for even asking the question

What’s unfortunate is no matter how tired you are of being undervalued and how much you’re ready to earn the kind of money in line with your contributions at work, these fears have a way of keeping you (and almost 40% of other women) from doing anything about it.

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How to Get the Courage to Ask for a Raise

You want to know the quickest way to get over your fear of asking for more money? It’s knowledge. Yes, it really is that simple.

Let me break down each of the common fears you may have when it comes to asking for a raise and explain what I mean.

Fear #1: Your boss/company has indicated requests for raises will be turned down

I’ve been in HR a long time and worked with large Fortune 500 companies, non-profits with less than five employees and mid-sized tech startups. Believe me when I tell you there’s never a 100% shut down on raises.

Are there budget constraints? Of course. Politics and red tape that need to be carefully navigated? Yes. But what’s in any company’s best interest at all times is the retention of high performing people. I’ve seen plenty of instances where exceptions have been made and raises granted even though the previous party line had been that no raises would be approved.

My point? Even if you believe there’s a chance your request for more money will be turned down, go ahead and ask for it anyway. At best, you’ll get all or a portion of what you’ve asked for. At worst, they’ll know what your expectations are and that you aren’t afraid to go after what you want.

Fear #2: You don’t feel confident in your job performance

There are usually two types of people who don’t feel confident in their performance at work. Those who are actually not performing well (and who should put asking for a raise on hold until performance improves) and those who are amazing at what they do and are just being tough on themselves.

Look at your past performance reviews and think back to your accomplishments – are you really not doing well or is this defense mechanism you’ve created so you can discourage yourself from having to ask for more money?

Once you’ve done some reflection and determined you actually don’t suck, it’s time to move past this fear and focus on going after the pay you deserve.

Fear #3: You don’t feel you’ve been in the position long enough

I completely understand this fear. No one wants to be the person who’s been at the company or in a role for all of two days and already asking for more money. It’s not a good look – I get that.

But if you’ve done your research and discovered you’re being severely underpaid, completed a huge project that provided great impact for your team, and/or been given additional responsibilities above your paygrade, you’re in a good position to revisit the money conversation.

All things considered, the length of time you’ve been in a position is far down the list of reasons managers/HR considers when deciding whether to grant someone a raise or not. So, if it’s something you’re worried about – don’t be.

Fear #4: You believe your boss/company will say no

Fear of rejection is a thing. A really big thing that keeps high achieving and ambitious women from reaching their fullest potential every single day.

I get it: No one likes to be told no. It doesn’t feel good. The truth is though, when it comes to asking for a raise, most people who ask will get some sort of increase. Even if they aren’t getting all of what they’ve asked for, getting a little bit of something is always better than getting a lot of nothing.

Being told no isn’t the end of the world. You will not die. Once you come to terms with this, you’ll find you’re more comfortable asking for what you want (including more money).

Fear #5: You’re afraid you’ll be fired for even asking the question

This isn’t true. Period.

Unless you’re planning on marching into your boss’ office and saying something like: “You better give me more money, or else”, this just isn’t how things work in the real world.

Again, the worst thing that usually happens when asking for a raise is you’re told no. That’s it. No reprimanding or firing.

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The bottom line is this: Asking for a raise isn’t as difficult as you think it is. Is the process uncomfortable? Sure. But that doesn’t mean you should let fear keep you from moving forward.

As long as you’re aware of the common fears that have the potential to distract you, thoroughly prepare and take decisive action, you’re well on your way to moving past this fear and getting paid the money you deserve.

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3 Things I've Learned About Salary Negotiation from Kanye West

Over the past five years, I’ve negotiated just over $40,000 in salary increases for myself. And if you include people I’ve helped through their own negotiations, that number jumps to almost $100,000. Being either directly or indirectly involved in negotiations that hit the six-figure mark, the one thing I can say about the process without hesitation is – it’s scary.

What I’ve learned through tons and tons of research (as well as through my own experience) is that while the words and tactics you use matter, there’s one other thing that separates a successful negotiation from an unsuccessful one – and that’s confidence.

Confidence is what helped me push through the anxiety that came along with asking for a $25,000 raise a few months ago even when I felt like backing down.

Where do I get all this confidence, you might ask? From none other than Mr. Confidence himself – Kanye West. Even though Kanye isn’t my role model in everyday life (I mean, come on – that guy is nuts), whether you like him or not, you’ve got to admit, nobody does confidence better.

If mustering up the confidence to walk into your boss’ office and ask for more money is a struggle for you, here are three things you can learn from Mr. West that’ll help give you the boost you need.

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1. Don’t Be Afraid to Brag About Your Success

I can’t lie, Kanye makes some incredible music. And if you’ve ever heard one of his rants, then you’d already know that no one thinks Kanye’s music is more incredible than…Kanye. Whether he’s telling whoever will listen how many awards he’s won or calling himself a god, you better believe Kanye’s not afraid to shout from the rooftops just how much he’s achieved (and will continue to achieve) in his career.

Yes, there are several instances where humility and modesty are appropriate, but the salary negotiation process isn’t one of those times. Your sole job during a negotiation is to make sure the person on the other end knows just how awesome you are. Have you led your team toward a huge goal? Accomplished a great outcome? What makes you so deserving of a raise? You’ve got to make sure you’re able to articulate it to whoever will listen.

2. Don’t Believe in Competition

Instead of being intimidated by all the greats that have come before him, Kanye sees them as peers. He’s repeatedly compared himself to the likes of Steve Jobs and Pablo Picasso and truly feels he has no competition – since he’s obviously the greatest of all time. Whether anyone else agrees or not, this is the confidence level you’ve got to have as you prepare to ask for your raise.

Over the course of your career, I’m sure you’ve encountered people smarter, faster, harder working, more funny or creative than you were. But instead of letting that fact intimidate you, you’ve got to use it as fuel to keep going. When it comes to getting the confidence to ask for the money you deserve, you’ve got to take a page out of Kanye’s book and see yourself as the absolute best at what you do – no matter what the “competition” is doing.

3. Don’t Concern Yourself with What Others Think

The biggest thing I admire about Kanye’s confidence is the fact that he’s pretty much always unbothered by what naysayers have to say about him. So, you disagree with his fashion sense, can’t stand the words that come out of his mouth, or think his music is the worst? Guess what? Kanye doesn’t care. And while we outsiders may think that’s annoying, this unshakable self-assurance has contributed greatly to his success.

Think about it: How many times have you stopped yourself from having that much needed salary discussion for fear of what your boss, coworkers, friends, or family might think? How many missed opportunities have you had when it comes to making more money? Ask yourself: “What would Kanye do?”

While you may think he's arrogant and feel uncomfortable going through life the way Kanye does, what’s undeniable is how sure of himself he is. This is something we could all stand to get better at – especially when it comes to having conversations about salary.

Listen, your self-worth isn't tied to your paycheck, but you can't tell me it doesn't feel good to see your contributions valued in a tangible way. If confidence is the only thing stopping you from asking for what you deserve, then do yourself a favor and take a lesson from Kanye.

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The Most Important Questions to Ask Yourself If You're Considering Working from Home

Working from home (aka working remotely) is the ideal arrangement for most people working a 9-5.

I mean, who wouldn't want to reduce commute time down to the mere minutes it takes to walk from the  bedroom to the kitchen table?  A 2015 study by Flex Jobs reveals 76% of people prefer working from home rather than the office - and as someone who does work from home, I couldn't agree more.

These stats shouldn't be surprising to anyone. There's nothing like having peace and quiet to put your head down and focus when you're working on an important project or just need some alone time - which is something most office settings just don't have. 

Think about how noisy your own office is. There's the constant interruptions from people asking "a quick question" (they obviously must not have seen the headphones in your ear or you intensely glaring at your computer screen) . Or the loud chatter and laughter from the group a few rows over from where you sit. 

The truth is though that as much as there are benefits to working from home, everyone who wants to work from home shouldn't actually do it.

There's more to creating a successful work from home environment than having a good internet connection and a quiet space to work. If you're working from home you'll also need to have the work from home personality.

Yes, there's a work from home personality and it's much deeper than whether you're an introvert or extrovert. Working from home requires a certain level of discipline and focus in order to make sure you're successful at your job.

If you're considering working from home, here are six questions you'll need to ask yourself before you take the leap.

1. Am I OK (happy even) spending long periods of time on my own?
2. Am I disciplined and motivated enough to work on my own?
3. Am I OK working without direct supervision?
4. Am I comfortable communicating via email, IM, video conference, etc. instead of in person?
5. Do I have a quiet, distraction-free space to focus on my work?
6. Will working from home help me achieve the work-life balance I'm looking for?

Take a moment for some honest reflection as you're going through each questions. Ideally, the answer should be "yes" to each of them.

If you're having trouble with any of these areas, chances are you're work from home experience won't be the most pleasant - for you or your employer.

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3 Ways to Make Your Work from Home Dreams a Reality This Year + the ultimate work from home worksheet

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When it comes to the many types of flexible work arrangements available, i.e. job sharing, compressed work weeks and adjusted work hours, working from home (aka telecommuting, teleworking and working remotely) is probably the most sought after by people working across a variety of industries, experiences and skill levels. 

People who work from home can: 

• Work from anywhere. Whether that’s a co-working space, a home office, or my personal favorite – the kitchen table – all you need to be ready to work is a laptop and a WiFi connection. 

• Save more money. Since you’ll no longer need to spend money on work clothes, public transportation and overpriced lunches, you’ll have more money in your pocket to pay off debt, save, or invest. 

• Work more efficiently. Ever notice how meetings done via video or telephone conference call seem to stay on topic and run more smoothly than those that are in person? Turns out you’re less likely to shoot the breeze and spend 15 minutes chit chatting about last night’s episode of Game of Thrones when your meeting is held virtually.  

• Set your own schedule. Now, this won’t be the case for every work from home job, but you’ll find some that offer flexibility around when you work. Whether you’re most productive first thing in the morning or very late at night, you can work whenever’s most convenient for you – as long as you’re getting things done.  

There's never been a better time to start working from home, and for the right person, it can be the perfect way to build an exciting and engaging career. 

Here are three things you’ve got to do now if you’re ready to transition from an in office schedule to working from home 20-100% of the time.

1. Understand What It Takes to Be Successful Working from Home 

Working from home isn’t for everyone. There are plenty of people who are really interested in this lifestyle, but have found out the hard way it’s actually not what’s best for them. So, before you walk into your boss’ office demanding she let you work from home, ask yourself if you’ve got the kind of work ethic that make this type of arrangement work.

Some questions to consider when deciding if working from home is right for you:

Do you need others to motivate you or can you motivate yourself?

When you’re working at home, your boss won’t be there to make sure you’re doing your work every minute of the day. There’s no one to monitor how long your lunch break was or stop you from taking that 45-minute power nap when you should actually be working on your project due by 5 pm. You’ll need to be able to motivate yourself to get your work done every day.  

Do you manage your time well? 

Think about how easy it is to get distracted by everything going on in the office. Now, multiply that by 100 and that’s how easy it is to get distracted when you work from home. Whether it’s by the mountain dirty dishes in the kitchen sink or the pile of laundry that needs to get washed, if you’re not careful of how you spend your time, you’ll look up and realize it’s 7 pm and you haven’t accomplished anything. If you’re going to be successful at working from home, you’ve got to get good at managing your time so you’re not always falling behind on your deadlines.  

Do you know how to set boundaries?  

This is something a lot of remote workers struggle with. When your “office” is just down the hall from your bedroom, it can be difficult to unplug and sign off. It's so tempting to just send "one more email" or make "one more phone call". The truth is though that making personal time for yourself can be challenging. But if you want to be happy working from home, then it’s something you’ve got to get good at.  

2. Determine What Type of Work from Home schedule You’re Actually Looking For 

You may be surprised to know there are different work from home options to choose from. Knowing which one works best for you can make it easier to determine your next steps (i.e. when you're ready to ask your boss for a work from home arrangement or negotiate work from home perks with a new employer).  

Work from home options include: 

• 100% Remote: This is when you're never or hardly ever expected to work from the office.  

• Partially Remote: This is when you work from home one or two days per week. Usually, this set up is more structured and has clear expectations and restrictions on when, where, and how you work when you're not in the office. 

• Flex-time: This is when you're off one day a week and work longer days throughout the rest of the week. For example, you'd work 12 hours (instead of 8) Monday through Thursday and take off on Fridays.  

Work from home jobs aren't one size fits all and it's important you and your boss are on the same page with what "working from home" actually means before you commit to an arrangement.  

3. Filter Your Job Search For Work from Home Jobs 

Now  that you know what it takes to work from home and you know what kind of arrangement you'd like to have, it's time to find some work from home jobs!

This is often the most challenging part of the process because it's hard to locate open positions that will actually entertain a semi or fully work from home arrangement. 

Below is a list of 10 job boards that exclusively post remote opportunities. This list will help you kick start your work from home search. 

1. FLEXJOBS

2. WE WORK REMOTELY

3. WORKING NOMADS

4. REMOTIVE

5. SKIP THE DRIVE

6. VIRTUAL VOCATIONS

7. POWERTOFLY

8. REMOTE.CO

9. JOBSPRESSO

10. landing jobs

Now, let me know in the comments the answers to these 3 questions: 

1. What's your main reason for wanting to work from home?  
2. Which work from home arrangement would you be interested in having? 
3. Which job board are you going to try first?

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Why 2017 is the Perfect Time to Start Working from Home

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If you ask 10 people what their ideal work set-up is, nine of them will probably say:"I wanna work from home!"  That's because nothing beats a morning commute that consists of walking from your bed to your makeshift office set up at the kitchen table.

I know this first hand, because for the past six months, this has been my reality.

On days that I work from home I always seem to have an extra pep in my step. Perhaps it's because I can take my time getting dressed since I don't have to worry about missing my train.

Or maybe it's because I don't have to spend 50 minutes crammed in the under ventilated and overcrowded New York City subway.

Whatever the reason is, on days I don't have to commute into the office, I'm always just a little less crabby than the days I do (which is a good thing for everyone).

According to a 2016 study done by Global Workplace Analytics, working from home (aka telecommuting or working remotely), is the goal for about 90% of U.S. employees - even if it's just a couple times a week.

Working from home has some major perks - like more control over your schedule, more time to spend with family, friends and self, and less money wasted on commuting (which is something I'm especially sensitive to since I spend about $300 per month on public transportation).

With all these benefits, it shouldn't be a surprise that so many people want out of the office.

The good news? It's never been easier to make the switch from an "in the office" to an "at home" employee. 

Here are four reasons now is the perfect time for you to consider making the switch to telecommuter. 

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Four reasons now's the perfect time to start working from home

1. Companies Know They Need to Remain Competitive

Rewind five to six years ago and working from home (and any other flexible work arrangement) was considered an "above and beyond" perk and employers could get away with not offering it to their employees. This was at the time the U.S. economy was still reeling from the Great Recession and you were probably so happy to have a job, you weren't in a position to negotiate extras for yourself like being able to work one, two or all five days a week from home.

Fast forward back to today and things are completely different. The economy is getting back on its feet and millennials have taken over the workforce. The vibes have shifted and people aren't afraid to stand up for themselves and demand work arrangements that integrate seamlessly into their lives. Companies know this and have realized that in order to attract and retain high achieving and ambitious people, they'll need to offer appealing benefits - like the flexibility to work from home.

2. Technology Can Easily Support Teams With Remote Workers

I currently work on a team with six people - four in NYC, one person in Colorado and two people in the UK. Even though our team is spread across different geographies and time zones, we're still able to communicate with each other using a WiFi connection, laptop and cloud based apps. 

As long as employers are ready to commit to supporting employees who want to work from home, there are hundreds (if not thousands) of collaboration and communication tools specifically designed for seamless coordination of team deliverables - no matter where individuals are located. The idea that "it's just not possible" is so 2007.

3. Research Supports the Benefits to Employers of Remote Workers

As more companies embrace the idea of having flexible work arrangements, researchers have been coming out of the woodwork and identifying the many benefits of allowing employees to work from home.

When you work from home you'll find you feel more independent and satisfied with your job. And while that's good for you, working from home is also great for your company! When you work from home, you're more productive and less likely to resign.  Remember that the next time you raise the topic with your boss.

4. The Idea of Working from Home is No Longer Taboo 

Believe it or not, there was a time when working from home was a no-no. The assumption was that anyone looking to work from home did so, in order to slack off from work or find another job altogether. There's so many real life examples that show this is simply not true.

As more companies have begun to implement their own work from home policies and witnessed firsthand how much morale on their teams have grown, this line of thinking has dropped significantly. Think about it - if you had the freedom to work from whenever without someone breathing down your back to get things done, wouldn't that increase your contributions dramatically? Exactly.

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I created the 2017 Beginner's Work from Home Guide for people who are serious about transitioning to a work from home position this year. In this guide, I'll outline  the process for you to clarify why you want to work from home, identify your work from home goals and map out your immediate next steps.

Ready to take the leap? Click the image below to get started!

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